he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
