dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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