We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
