I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
