Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
