That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
