Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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