How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
