The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
