You're so nebulous sometimes
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
