my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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