you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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