Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize