this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
