O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
