we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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