Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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