Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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