If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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