I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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