Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
