she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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