Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
