dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
