And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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