Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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