I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
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at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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