Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
