She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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