You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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