you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
