As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize