I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize