dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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