Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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