i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize