They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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