Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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