Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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