Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My penis needs a shock collar
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
