Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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