god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
