Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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