just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
