Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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