Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
