Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
