dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
