Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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