Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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