then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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