Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
