Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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