I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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