i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
