PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Text me some of your sweat
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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