I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
