I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize