At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
