i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
