Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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